Another "chat" (via texting) with Leonie

Why can't she just phone me? I really hate the textual conversation/argument that we have.

Tonight I had to explain to her why I was not going to reply to her pointless question, that no doubt wanted to start another argument. Why can't she just talk about the present and the future, and not keeping going on about the past? The past has happened, nothing can be done to change it. Stop reviewing it and move on!! Anyway, I digress - the excuse I gave was that of alcohol, which - to be fair - usually gets me in a lot of trouble. But I knew that whatever I said to her would cause upset.

Her question was...

"Hey been meaning to ask, you said before there were things I put on Facebook that were annoying - what were they as don't want to annoy other people? xx"

This automatically puts me at unease - as it's everything to do with babies, and how easy she seems to find motherhood. She never complains, life is just so beautiful, how could anyone (me) not enjoy it?

I know much of this is jealousy. She is much more laid back than I was/am. She can breastfeed! I know that this will annoy her, that I keep going on about it, as Toby is a happy, healthy 7 year old now, but she doesn't realise how guilty I feel for being a "bad mother" as per health visitors and NCT nazis. Another reason for my jealousy is that I can't have anymore children, which makes me really sad.

Anyway, the whole reason for this blog was to express my annoyance at her penultimate comment...

"...I've made sure to never comment with Toby...." 

Had she made a comment, this would have been pre-Brodie. We all know that you cannot comment on children until you have them yourself, and since Toby is 7 years older than Brodie, I feel that I can comment/assist (although she would never take it as this) on Brodie, as I have been there with a 6month old. She - however - has never had a 7 year old for longer than a few hours, and we all know that it is VERY different looking after someone else's child. 

I am dreading seeing her next week. She had suggested meeting for a drink before I see Mum, but I may say that I can't, and that she can just meet me at Mums to avoid any potential arguments....

Watch this space...

I really wish...

I really wish...

That I could speak my mind  and not worry about what anyone thought.

That I could stand my ground in an argument and not worry about what anyone thought.

That I could do what I want, when I want and not worry about what anyone thought.

That I could wear anything and not worry about what anyone thought.

That I could be myself and not worry about what anyone thought.

Toby

Tobias Christopher Law. My son, my love, my life.

These are a few things about him...

1. He had hiccups in my tummy

2. He needed ventouse and then forceps to get him out 

3. He had a lot of hair at birth

4. (Unfortunately) He seems as sensitive as me. Sorry Toby

5. (Fortunately) He has Martin's brains

I worry a lot that I am going to die before he has grown up. Will he know all the things that I want him to? Will he be as polite as I'd like him to be? More importantly, will he remember me?

Toby, these are some things for you...

I love you so much!! You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. (Even better than meeting Daddy - or Dad, as you may be calling him now). 

Please make sure you remember to say please and thank you. Good manners are more noted than bad.

Offer your chair to ladies, older people or the less able.

Look after girlfriends, wine them, dine them and cuddle them.

Learn to cook. It was how your father wooed me, and it works well as a bachelor. 

Listen to others before you continue.

Read instructions carefully. You don't know what you're doing...

Look after Daddy.