The start of a new blog....

Today is the start of a new blog. A blog about what makes me miserable and what sort of things really annoy me for no apparent reason. The idea behind this blog is to free up conversations with my DH and BF and to try to see if I can sort out my problems independently. I also hope that sooner or later - I'll be able to think f*ck it or f*ck them... Although I'm not expecting this anytime soon.

Where to begin...

Well I suppose I should explain a bit about life so far. Last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I found a lump, saw the doctor the following day and my life changed instantly. It's all sorted now, after a lumpectomy, chemo, rads, herceptin and tamoxifen I am told that I am in remission. I hate that word. To me it sounds as though the cancer was never actually removed from my body. Although I was told that the lump was removed with good, clear margins and no sign of any spread to lymph nodes or blood. The surgeon said that I am "cancer-free" although the oncologist says that they can't be sure. (So to avoid any possible legal cases, they play it safe and say that I am in remission). I think ill side twitch the surgeon!

After hearing this news I was a wreck. I still am a wreck. I worry a lot more now. I worry that I am not good enough. I am not a good enough mother, I am not a good enough wife, I am not a good enough sister, I am not a good enough nurse etc etc. 

This is also being written in case the cancer returns. I hope that my family and friends can read this and know that I tried my best, but sometimes that just isn't good enough in other people's eyes...